Name:	Shortbus -	Reply
Subject:	ObamaFlowers
Date:	11/27/2013 11:52:40 PM

(Receptionist)

Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help

you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers

stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange

to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I

am calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the

website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help

you.

(Customer) Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary,

and wanted it delivered to my wife's work..

(Receptionist Interrupting)

Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to

provide you with Red Roses.

(Customer) But I have always ordered "Spring

Bouquets"..  Roses are too expensive for me and besides, my wife likes the

Spring Bouquet.

(Receptionist) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife

will love them.

(Customer) Well, how much are they?

(Receptionist)

It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum

package.

(Customer) What's the difference?

(Receptionist) 6, 12,18

or 24 Red Roses.

(Customer) The Silver package may be okay, how much is

it?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, what is your monthly

income?

(Customer) What does that have to do with

anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government flower

subsidy, then I can determine how much you’re out of pocket cost will be. But if

your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our

FlowerAid department.

(Customer) FlowerAid?

(Receptionist) Yes,

Flowers are a Right, everyone has a right to flowers.  So, if you can't

afford them, then the government will supply them free of

charge.

(Customer) Who said they were a Right?

(Receptionist)

Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it

Constitutional..

(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in

the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.

(Receptionist) It is not

really a Right in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because

the Supreme Court Ruled it a "Tax".  Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel

it is a Right.

(Customer) I don't believe this....

(Receptionist)

It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the

Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?

(Customer) Forget it,

I think I will forego the flowers this year...

(Receptionist) In that

case sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer)

Why?

(Receptionist) To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would

be.

(Customer) WHAT???? You can't charge me for NOT buying

flowers!!!

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the

Supreme Court.  It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly

income.....

(Customer)interrupting) This is ridiculous, I'll pay the

$9.50..

(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income,

whichever is greater.

(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What a

rip-off!!

(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it

will be 2%.

(Customer) Look, I'm going to call my Congress member to find

out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay

it.

(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track

this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are

using.

(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I

AM USING????

(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates

sir

(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock

on the door)

(Receptionist) That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling