“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”

Gracie Allen

 

Ohio state’s Urban Meyer on one of his players :

“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear.

I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

 

A man in Idaho's upper panhandle woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. 
So he 'Googled" the internet, & sure enough, there was an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."

He called the number listed, & the bear remover said he'd be over in a few minutes. 
 
The bear remover arrived, & got out of his van.  He had a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge shotgun,& a mean looking, heavily scarred old pit bull. 
  
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asked. 
  
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, & knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go.

The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." 
  
He then handed the shotgun to the homeowner. 
  
"What's the shotgun for?" the homeowner asked. 
  
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."

 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next BM could spell disaster.