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Name:
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Lady
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Subject:
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How about Gail Collins
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Date:
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6/22/2009 4:40:10 PM
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At least this is funny!
A Nation of Candidates
By GAIL COLLINS
The saga of Senator John Ensign of Nevada, who resigned from a party leadership position this week because of a sex scandal, contained one surprising piece of information.
Obviously, it was something other than the fact that a U.S. senator, who is extremely vocal about family values, had a messy affair with a former campaign staff member.
What struck me was that virtually every story about Ensign’s fall from grace included a reference to his having been considered a possible contender for his party’s presidential nomination in 2012.
Who knew? I have to admit, I had trouble even putting a face to Ensign’s name. Since then I have learned, however, that he is the only veterinarian in the Senate.
The Republican Party has finally turned into a big tent. Everybody’s a presidential contender! Being a Republican senator is pretty much an automatic qualification. After all, there are only 40 of them. Once you’ve eliminated the ones with sex scandals and the guy from Kentucky who uses a teleprompter in debates, there’s hardly enough left to fill up a stage at the Iowa State Fair.
One of the reasons that Republican presidential hopefuls are proliferating like rabbits is that the usual suspects — the names that come to mind when you ask people who they think will run against Barack Obama in 2012 — are such an underwhelming crew.
Mitt Romney is pushing himself as the party’s lead attack dog on the Obama health care plan. But every time he shows up on television, we are reminded of a truth we learned during the last presidential campaign: There is something about Romney that causes people to want to change the channel; or, if they are in a senior center in Florida listening to a candidate forum, wander off in search of a second helping of Jell-O.
Bobby Jindal of Louisiana was supposed to be the next G.O.P. hope until he made that one big speech on TV. Instantly, he turned into the Fred Thompson of the new election cycle. (Just wait! He’s the one! He’s coming! He’s here! ... That’s it?)
Mike Huckabee now has a TV show where he discusses current events, plays with a rock band, sings with the new “American Idol” (“The Huckabee household has been rooting for this guy all season!”) and talks to a “Biggest Loser” trainer on his special feature, “Get Healthy With Huck.” I know Huckabee is pretending to be a candidate for the presidential nomination, but really, I think he’s found his permanent niche.
The two biggest names are Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin, one of whom has too many ideas while the other has no ideas whatsoever. But they are bound by the fact that neither one of them is actually ever going to be nominated for president even if we have another Ice Age and the only Americans left alive are them, Dennis Kucinich and that woman who was Miss California until Donald Trump fired her.
Gingrich’s romantic history makes Senator Ensign look like a monk. (Last time around, we were so hoping that he and Rudy Giuliani would survive till the end of the primaries so we could say the three major Republican contenders had had a total of eight wives.) And he’s basically spent the last decade as a talking head. When it comes to career preparation for a presidential race, the worst two options are mayor of New York City and Fox News guest commentator.
The Palin family, meanwhile, seems less likely to replace the Obamas in the White House than to replace the Gosselins on “Jon & Kate Plus Eight.” (Have we mentioned that Sarah’s new grandson is naked in GQ this month?)
Recently, during a dust-up with David Letterman, Palin once again violated the cardinal rule for famous parents who want to shield their children from the media, which is, of course, don’t talk about your children to the media.
She is perhaps the only celebrity in America who does not understand that if a late show host makes a tasteless joke about your daughter, the worst possible response is to complain loudly until it’s certain the entire universe knows your child was insulted, all the while making the joke sound even more offensive than it was.
It might also have helped if your husband had refrained from volunteering your 18-year-old daughter, the mother of the GQ baby, to be the anti-teen-pregnancy ambassador for a clothing manufacturer.
We would worry that all this was a bad signal about how much restraint and judgment Palin might use in the White House. But fortunately, there’s that Ice Age rule.
Maybe the Republicans were too hasty in wiping Ensign off the list. It’s possible that in 2012 the party will feel as though it needs a standard-bearer who knows how to deworm a poodle. Lord knows there are worse possibilities.
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